Holding on
by stars of night 90
Summary: Lisanna returns from Edolas and is causing all kinds of trouble for lucy, will the guild work out what is going on in time, can Natsu save Lucy from herself. I DO NOT 0WN FAIRY TAIL. ONLY THIS STORY contains self harming.
1. authors note

Hi everyone this is my first ever fanfic so i do hope you enjoy. i wrote this after reading a whole heap of stories about lucy running away, and i just dont see that as her style so this is what i feel lucy is like :) enjoy and if there are any readers out there who would like to assist me in the writing please feel free to ask i could use help with the fight sceans :) 


	2. chapter 1

I am Lucy Heartfilia and this is my story.

It has been some months since the return of Lisanna, And I have had nothing but trouble with her from the day she got home. It started with her replacing me on Team Natsu, I was upset but at the same time I understood they thought she was dead why wouldn't they want her on their team, after all I'm not as useful in the big battles as she is.

Natsu was the one who asked if it was ok and that it would only be short term HA! Well that was three months ago and guess who is still on team Natsu instead of me yep you guessed it Lisanna. Over the last three months it's been like I have been forgotten, and I guess in a way I have been. I haven't spoken to or heard from Natsu or the rest of the team since they returned from their first mission with Lisanna.

I watch from across the room as my old team gleefully chats about their most recent victory and sigh "Mira I think I'm going to go home early today" the lovey bar maid is none other the Lisanna's older sister "oh, are you not feeling well Lucy?" Mira questions me with a small smile. I answer her that I don't feel to good and that I will also be off tomorrow I call out plue and we walk home together chatting away while I walk on the edge of the cannel "careful miss Lucy, you don't want to fall in" the usual fishermen call out to me in warning I just smile and wave at them.

Once home I take of my shoes and put down the bags of shopping I got on the way back by the door collecting the shopping I start to put it all away when I hear a knock at the door. I answer to see none other than Lisanna and Natsu standing there "what, is everything ok?" I ask slightly panicked after all its been months since I had spoken to him I felt it strange he would be at my apartment and at the door of all places. "year Luce, why wouldn't it be?" Natsu gives me his signature grin Lisanna is nest to speak "Mira told us you left and that you didn't feel the best" she smiles at me sweetly but I can see straight through her smile its not the first time shes been to my house shes only playing nice noe that Natsu is here. "oh, im ok just have a headache, thought I should grab some essentials and come home and rest" smiling at Natsu sweetly while ignoring Lisanna the best I could "well thanks for dropping in im going to rest now bye" with that I close the door and head to my deak writing out my feelings on a loose piece of paper.

 _ **GAH, why did she have to bring him here is it not enough that he doesn't speak to me as it is? And that fake smile eek suck a deceitful little cow!**_ **  
**

I scrunch up the paper and threw it away, I feel a lot better now I have gotten it out onto paper. I decided to make myself dinner and take a bath heading to bed once im done making sure I had locked my house windows and all. The next morning comes and I awake to she slight golden glow of the sun on my face and the chirping of birds, getting up I go through my morning routine. I think I might go into the guild and get a job today. Suddenly im pulled from my thoughts with a knocking at my door again.

 _ **Knock, knock**_

Gah can't people just leave me alone? Looking through the peephole I see Lisanna putting on my best bitchy attitude I swing the door open and snarl at her "what. Do. you. want. Now" Lisanna pushed her way inside the door "no please come in" I snap slamming the door behind me I turn to Lisanna as she speaks

"I want you to leave fairy tail".


	3. chapter 2

As if Lucy from Edolas wasn't bad enough I come home to find that MY Natsu is attached to this Lucy. Well this just won't do I'll have to put a stop to it. Looking around the guild hall I start to formulate a plan to get rid of the bitch.

First things first I have to see how good she is on a mission and not just any mission a hard one hmhmhm I chuckle to myself as I pick out a mission this should do fighting monsters in the mountains now all I have to do is keep Natsu from saving her pathetic ass.

"Natsu, Natsu" I call out as I skip through the guild to him and that blond tyrant "I want to take a mission with team Natsu" saying so sweetly even a butterfly seemed evil compared to me right now

"oh hey Lisanna, I would but Lucy and I have plans today. Sorry maybe next time?" Natsu replies in such a quiet voice I barely heard it. I look up to see there looking at each other like they were having a silent conversation when Lucy looks up only just missing my gaze of daggers "you know what Natsu we can always raincheck for another day a mission would be fun" Natsu looks up with a huge smile that makes me melt "thanks luce, I'm all fired up now" god why does she have him wrapped around her little figure.

Natsu runs of to collect the rest of the team dragging Lucy along with him leaving me just standing there "aren't those to just so cute?" I turn around to see my big sister Mira-jane has spoken to me "oh hey Mira, yea aren't they just" I don't know how I did it but I managed to keep my distaste for the situation out of my voice.

We all meet later at the train station I sat with Erza and Gray with happy on my lap while Natsu was laying in Lucy's lap, why can't he be in my lap? I frown to myself with this inward question while she runs her fingers through his hair it looks so soft I just want to touch it. but I can't she is in the way, she is always in the way. We get to our mission sight to find 5 Vulcans well this should be interesting I smirk as I catch a glimpse of Lucy struggling with her opponent.

I get a glimpse at the others there all doing just fine Gray used ice floor the Vulcan couldn't stand more than 5 seconds to get a hit in, Erza was in her heavens wheel Armor I don't even want to know what she's doing to the poor creature I spin around when I hear him my love shouting

 _ **FIRE DRAGONS RAW!**_

I'm fighting in my tigress for so I have the advantage of speed after defeating my opponent I look to Lucy who to dismay is doing just fine on her own

 **OPEN GATE OF THE MAIDEN, VIRGO.** "punishment time princess?" "Virgo dig down and come up beneath me I need a boost" Virgo nods at Lucy and just vanishes into the ground sending Lucy flying into the air grabbing her whip she slices it through the air and connects with the Vulcan

"Loki now!" Lucy yells "REGULUS PUNCH!" and with that Lucy loses her footing I can't believe it was this easy to get rid of her

"LUCY" I hear 3 voices scream as a rush of pink gets past me.


	4. chapter 3

Hi all quick not here as there is going to be a lot of conversing done in this chapter I am going to do something a little different so **Lisanna's** speech will be in bold _Lucy's will be in italic_ __normal narration will be done normal. well enjoy the chapter  
_

" **I want you to leave the guild"** I was shocked by Lisanna's words to say the least, maybe even a little angry no furious was more like it _"why Lisanna would I do that?"_ __I couldn't believe she would go this far. She may have been trying to turn the guild against me ever since we found her in that forest being dragged out by lily. But trying to make me leave what was she trying to accomplish?

" **you WILL leave because I have told you to, you are nothing more than a week distraction constantly causing MY friends MY Natsu to put their lives on the line for you every time we take a job. Why can't you just go away"**

Lisanna was now getting on my nerves it was taking every ounce of control I had learnt over the years to keep myself void of emotion the only good thing about my upbringing if I didn't want you to know how I felt then you wouldn't

" _I'm not going anywhere Lisanna and I think its hide time you get used to the idea that I am here to stay, what is your problem Lisanna?"_

" **he's mine, and I won't let you have him"**

" _have who Natsu, what makes you think you have the right to say who can and cannot hang around Natsu?"_

" **as I said he's mine and you need to leave the guild"** by now I couldn't hold it any longer I had to let it out and there was no way I was going to give her the satisfaction of me snapping.

" _you need to leave now Lisanna"_

" **he will be mine Lucy and there is nothing you can do to stop it"** and with that she walked out of the door I was holding to have it slammed behind her I paced around my room trying to calm myself down after I had seceded at this task I mad myself something to eat and headed to the guild to get a job I ignored the whole guild not that it would have mattered it didn't seem like a single person noticed me. I selected a high paying job after all I needed to pay my rent, and headed over to Mira

"are you ok Lucy?" the former s class mage asked "I'm _fine, I will be taking this job"_ "oh this job are you sure you'll be ok by yourself maybe you should take Natsu with you" I didn't mean to snap at her I was just so angry with Lisanna "I can look after myself you know" and with that I went home

But little did I know, Lisanna and I weren't alone this morning. Someone else had heard our fight and was not happy about it

Sorry I know this was a short chapter but I'll have the next one out soon


	5. chapter 4

I kept myself busy at home for the next few hours, writing to my parents and training with Capricorn he had me meditation saying something about being one with my magic. But I was just to annoyed to concentrate so I apologized and sent him back I was packed and ready to go to the train station. Arriving at the station I bought my ticket and waited for the train to arrive after about 5 mins it was time to bored. Sitting down I looked out the window and watched as I suddenly found myself very lonely remembering all the times I sat on these trains with my old team. I miss my team but I do have to say it is nice to not lose any of the reward.

After a few hours I arrive at the closest station to where I'm going getting of the train I start to walk following the directions of the map I bought for the job on foot I will be walking until the late hours of the morning ahh great I've been walking so long my legs feel like jelly ahh I know

"open gate of the clock constellation, Horologium" a cloud of smoke appears as gears and cogs shooting to the sky making up my trusty grandfather clock. I'm now sitting inside Horologium she said, while I wait for this trip to be over she complains. After another half hour of being carried by Horologium he vanishes with a "times up miss Lucy" just great well now I'm at least at the gates to town. I quickly find an inn and get a room running of to bed planning on meeting the client in the morning.

Meanwhile back at the guild

Natsu storms into the guild looking for the white haired take over mage and finds her sitting on her own in a back corner of the guild stomping his way over to her he slams his fists down on the table in front of her "what the hell where you thinking Lisanna" he bellows out.

She looks up putting on an act of innocence "I don't know what you talking about Natsu" she was trying her best to look confused but Natsu wasn't falling for it "you told Lucy to leave" his voice was so menacing and low even the other dragon slayers wouldn't be able to hear it and boy where they trying thanks to a certain she devil

"but Natsu I did no such thing can't you see she is trying to get between us?" Lisanna was really trying his nerves now what did she think he was an idiot "I went to see if Lucy wanted to come on a mission with us today and I heard you with my own ears you told her to leave the guild don't fucking lie to me Lisanna" Natsu was now yelling for the entire guild to hear.

Mira walked over and slapped her sister straight across the face "how dare you try to make out nakama leave" with that Mira and Natsu walk away leaving Lisanna by herself "Mira where is Lucy?" Natsu wanted to fix this he didn't want his celestial mage to leave. There had to be something he could do. "she went on a job" Mira replied calmly even if inside she was screaming at herself for not keeping a closer eye on her sister, Natsu's eyes went wide as he pouted at Mira "she went on a job without me?" Mira just giggled at the dragon slayers childish antics before sending him off in hope that he would catch her before she left

Natsu ran all the way to Lucy's little apartment jumped up and entered through the window like he always does only to find luce wasn't there and her suitcase she uses for missions is gone but from the strength of her scent she couldn't be far he runs out the door following the scent of the celestial mage running all the way to the train station "luce" looking around he spots Lucy sitting at about their usual spot just as the train started to move running alongside the train he screams her name "LUCY, LUCY" but he was to late


	6. Chapter 5

**Hi eveone please read this, i am now working on this story with MarSofTheGalaxies. i dont take full credit for this chapter :)**

Lucy wakes the next morning going to meet with the client

Knock, knock knocking on the door a small old man who reminds her of the master opens the door ever so slightly "yes, yes what is it?" the old man greeted "hi, I'm Lucy from fairy tail I'm here about the job request" Lucy politely introduces herself not to startle the clearly frightened man any more.  
"yes, yes please come in" the little old man opens the door ushering Lucy inside the house. Lucy thanked him as he gestured for her to take a seat "what can you tell me about this job?" Lucy asked rather excited to get the ball rolling.  
"we have been plagued with a wolf like creature attacking our villagers every full moon, please help us stop the killing"

After telling the old man that I will do my best I start my investigation I go back to the inn and start by summoning crux but the only thing he could give me was a warning the next full moon is in 5 days I need to be careful.

Meanwhile back at the guild (Lisanna p.o.v)

"why did you do it Lisanna?" Natsu asked me softly "I did it because I love you Natsu, we were supposed to get married one day and when I woke in Edolas and saw your doppelganger there I was heartbroken to see him so attached to Lucy Ashley but there was nothing I could do about it there she was so much stronger than me" I was trying not to cry to speak to him without guilting him into being with me, I wanted to give him the chance to come to his senses on his own.

"Lisanna we were kids, you are like a sister to me I have never loved you that way" Natsu was trying hard not to hurt my feelings I slammed my fists down onto the table "heed my warning Natsu if I can't have you no one can!" and with that I went up to the master's office to start with my plan of revenge.

I knock on the masters door when he calls me in I put on the water works and give him a show "master I just can't do it anymore I would like to take a few weeks leave from the guild" master looked up at me with sad eyes what has happened child?" he asks in a sorrowful tone "its Lucy and Natsu I can't take them always treating me like this I need some time away to collect myself" the master looked at me with a quizzical look "he broke me master" I whisper "alright child you may take some leave will I be removing your fairy tail mark?" he was patently waiting for a response, I nod slightly "I will return master and then I shall re-join" and with that my mark was gone and so was I.

Oh Lucy Heartfilia you have no idea what is coming for you.


	7. chapter6

It's been a week and I still have nothing to go on, my investigations have lead me know where. All around me there a trees, I can hear the faint trickle of a stream. I'm dizzy and can't find my bearings. Without a familiar thing in sight I am completely and utterly lost, and to make things worse tonight's the full moon. I decided I need to find the stream. If I can find the stream I can follow it back to town. I don't like the feeling I'm getting I can't help but feel I've just walked into a trap. My gut is telling me to get out of here if only I could, I would be long gone.

The feeling of being watched unsettling my nerves, I start to run but before long I find myself surrounded by the very creatures I was searching for. The hunter has become the hunted.

 **"open gate of the lion, Leo"** with a flash of gold my lion spirt appeared before me.

 **"Lucy, I don't like this one bit"** Loki shouts above the noise.

 **"I know Loki, me either"** I yell back.

We fight side by side. Him using his regulus magic and me my whip. I can't keep this up much longer I'm running out of magic energy. Sending Loki back to she spirt world I go for my last resort if this doesn't work I'm screwed.

 **"Stars, high in the heavens,  
show yourself to me with your brilliance.  
Tetrabiblos, I'm the ruler of the stars.  
the aspect is perfect, open your raging gate.  
88 stars of the heavens.  
shine.  
URANO METRIA"**

Around me a golden light erupts, I put everything I had left into that spell defeating the wolf like creatures they were nowhere to be seen, the last thing I saw before losing consciousness was floating paper men and a hooded figure coming to me. I'm not out of trouble yet.

oooooOOooooo

meanwhile back at the guild with Natsu.

Lisanna stormed out of the guild her siblings right on her tail. Shortly after Gramps summoned me into his office. I never in a million years would have seen this coming.

" **Natsu my boy, Lisanna has left the guild."** Gramps continued to talk to me but I wasn't hearing a thing I just couldn't get my head around Lisanna leaving. But what I heard next made me angry.

" **Natsu, she is saying that you broke her and treated her poorly because of Lucy so she left, my boy what happened"**

 **"she said what?"** I yelled at Gramps. He then went on to explain everything again, shaking from anger by this point I start to pace his office while I recite the happenings of the last week to him

" **well it all started a week ago, I went to ask luce if she wanted to join us on a job. She hasn't come with us for a while, Lisanna was always the one to ask and always came back with some excuse or another as to why luce had declined. So anyway I was sitting on Lucy's window ledge about to open it when I heard Lisanna tell her to leave the guild"**

Gramps now furious yells **"she did what?"** I nod before returning to my story.

 **"she told luce to leave, but luce refused they started to fight and I left. after leaving Lucy's place I went to try calm myself down before coming to the guild where I found and confronted Lisanna. At first she tried to lie about it telling me luce was only trying to get between us but when I yelled at her for lying and told her I heard her myself she started telling me it was all because she loved me. when I told her I don't love her in that way and she's like a sister to me she then threatened me."** Gramps listened to my story before giving me a nod asking me for Mira on my way out.

Lucy and Lisanna have both been gone for a week now and Mira Gramps and I are getting concerned about what Lisanna's true motives behind leaving where.  
 **"Lucy should be back in the next two days"** Mira states while we sit discussing the matter

 **"why can't I go look for her gramps?"** I whine

 **"Natsu she chose to do this by herself you have to be patient boy"** gramps states rather set on this

I just can't shake this feeling that something is wrong and that luce needs me, I don't know what it is and I'm going crazy here. I turn to look at Mira and Levy who are squealing in delight, I go over a bit annoyed.

 **"how can you be so happy when she is out there alone, she could be in trouble you know!"** I all but yell at the girls who just nod at each other. Well this can't be good, sighing I sit down across from levy.

 **"what is it, why are you so happy?"** I ask knowing I am going to regret this. Neither woman said anything and levy passed me a book raising an eyebrow at her I decided to humour her, oh how I wish I didn't. this new little discovery only made things so much worse.

The title read dragon slayers and their mates.  
I tried to give the book back to levy after that. I didn't need a book to know that luce was my mate. But she pointed out a section, my eyes went wide. I sprinted up the stairs and into Grams office. Slamming the book down in front of him. Pointing at what levy just pointed out.

 **"gramps I have to find her"** I holler. Gramps reads the passage in the book before standing up and shouting out orders about a retrieval mission

 **"alright brats, we have to find Lucy. She cannot be out there on her own"** gramps starts yelling out all kinds of commands

Gray, Erza and I are off to the town her job is in. hoping to find her there

 **"Natsu why are we all of a sudden lucking for Lucy like she has been missing for weeks?"** Erza asked a bit annoyed about being left out of the loop.

 **"because she has been"**


	8. Chapter 7

**"alright brats, we have to find Lucy. She cannot be out there on her own"** gramps starts yelling out all kinds of commands

Gray, Erza and I are off to the town her job is in. hoping to find her there

 **"Natsu why are we all of a sudden lucking for Lucy like she has been missing for weeks?"** Erza asked a bit annoyed about being left out of the loop.

 **"because she has been"**

 **oooooOOooooo**

 **"what do you mean she has been?"** Gray shouts **"she only left a week ago"**

 **"I don't know how long she has been in trouble, all I know is that book levy showed me said that when a dragon slayers mate is in trouble we know immediately, often before our mate even knows"** I yell back between breaths

 **"but you are not mated Natsu, how can you tell?"** Erza states we are all hoping I am wrong but I'm not.

 **"well according to the book we don't need to be mated to be linked we have already formed the bond, and I know how she feels I know when she's happy, scared, sad and I also know when she is in danger all through this bond"** we keep on running through the forests to the village but when we get their luce was already gone Erza and Gray went to speak to the town mayor while I try to catch her scent.

When all of a sudden I roar out in pain, before being taken by darkness.

oooooOOooooo

with Lucy

I stir awake to the feeling on something cold and rough on my back, a dull aching in my shoulders and a cold feeling on my wrist. I rack my brain trying to remember what happened, but I can't remember anything other than a hooded figure and paper men.

As feeling of dread set over me I strain to hear anything. Slowly prying my right eye open I try to see if I'm alone. Confirming my suspicions, I open my other eye and look around. I feel for the ground under my feet only to find it's not there, I look up my wrist are chained causing me to hang from the wall.

I weekly pull at my restraints feeling the dirt trickle down from the wall as the anchor shits slightly. This is a good sign, I slowly use my legs trying to climb the wall hoping to her the chain around my hands and use my body weight to pull.

But as I get my second step up the wall the door opens. **"well, well your finally awake"** a voice laced with pure evil booms at me **"I need you to behave miss Heartfilia"** I look up to see a familiar form standing in the shadows. Refusing to give into fear I spit at him, clearly showing my distaste **"if you know who I am. Then you should also know what guild I belong to. And fairy tail never gives up"** I shout back at him with a glare almost rivalling Ezra's.

He laughs at me before removing his hood. **"no, it can't be"** I state with tears in my eyes at sight of familiar onyx eyes and pink hair " **N-Natsu?"** I can't believe my eyes. As the door opens again to see the familiar faces of Erza and Gray. I can't hold my tears back any longer, how could this be happening? Why would they do this to me?

 **"NO"** I scream as Erza, Gray and Natsu my most treasured friends start beating me.

 **"you were never good enough for our team"** Erza states

 **"your just too weak and pathetic"** Gray taunts as he slices she skin of my stomach with a blade mad of ice.

Natsu walks over a grin on his face laced with his intent to hurt me **"we only ever got you to replace Lisanna, you never meant anything to us"** setting his hand on fire as he speaks and running it over my arms. I can feel my skin bubbling under the heat of his fire. I scream out in pain I can't take anymore and pass out.

oooo00oooo

Gary's P.O.V.

Hearing Natsu roar we swing around to see Natsu collapses, what the fuck just happened?

 **"Natsu!"** Erza yells as we run to his side

 **"what the fuck?"** I state as I see his arms blistered like he has been burned, Erza and I exchange glances before she gently picks him up and we head for the closest inn.

 **"we need to get him to a doctor"** Erza states in a matter of fact tone.

 **"what could have burnt Natsu, he is immune to all fire. what the hell happened?"** I'm confused this doesn't happen to Natsu, I look to Erza to see the glistening of her eyes as she tries to hide them from me.

After Natsu has his burns treated and wrapped we take him back to the guild to recover. He's not going to be happy about it either.


	9. Chapter 8

Days, weeks, even months have gone by since team Natsu first walked into my cell, and almost every inch of my body is covered in scars. They took me off the wall after a few "visits" as they like to call them. And since then I have been tormented, chained to the floor from a collar around my neck and feed like a dog and even forced to fight them. Sometimes they just come in and torcher me with a weapon of some kind no words just sadistic smiles on their faces telling me they are enjoying every minute of this.

I sit in the far corner making myself as small as possible. Sadly, I have become very good at it. Crying into my hands I wonder how this happened, what did I do to make them hate me so much? My extremely thin body is shaking with my violent sobs. I hear the door click open and curl up even smaller. They have broken me. but still in true fairy tail stubbornness I try my hardest to not let them see the damage they have don't to me.

Natsu walks in his sadistic grin plastered on his smug face with a promise of pain in his eyes.

 **"no, no please stop. DON'T TOUCH ME."** I scream as I break down I can't do it anymore I am broken and I can no longer hide it. He looks at me his grin growing wider **"I'm going to unchain you luce. are you going to be a good girl, or do I have to punish you?"** shaking from fear I nod quickly **"I will be good I promise"**

Walking over he unchains me, grabbing me by my hair he throughs me on a table strapping me down. Crying I try to prepare myself for the pain. But nothing can ever prepare you for the pain of the betrayal of your loved ones.

 **"what should I do with you today luce?"** he asks as he runs his eyes over my body now only clad in my skirt and bra. **"hmm…... maybe I could start with burning of your bra, wouldn't that be nice? the feeling of burning flesh between these."** Bile rose in my throat as he grabbed my breast with that statement. Oh god please no. the only thing they haven't done to me is rape me. oh please let it stay that way. I don't say a thing as he looks at me smirking at my fear. Before he turns and walks out leaving me on the table.

I don't know how long I have been here before Erza walked in sward in hand.

 **"such a slutty girl Lucy wearing all those short and revealing outfits, always trying to get the attention of the boys in the guild"** running the edge of her blade over my skin as she speaks **"always after the boys aren't you Lucy?"** Erza asks me **"I asked you a question"**

I take a second before answering her denying her claim, well apparently that was the wrong answer. As she accused me of lying and cut my thigh. This happened over and over again until I passed out even when I answered the way she wanted she told me I needed to be punished. Over and over until I passed out.

 **oooooOOooooo**

 **Natsu's P.O.V.**

it's been two months and three days since Lucy was reported as missing. We still haven't given up hope that we will find her. team Natsu was taking missions to all sorts of places and showing the people around her picture with the hopes someone has seen her. but no one seems to know where she is. My wounds from the first attempt held almost right away. Sometimes I'll get agonising pain out of nowhere that leaves me on the ground. What is happening to me?

collecting Erza and Gray we head out for yet another mission. Heading back in the direction of her last mission. It was a simple mission really just putting a town back together after a storm. This was the kind of thing Lucy liked to do. Helping others so every time we have had the chance we have taken these missions to honour her. hoping to keep our spirits up that way. We will find you Lucy. I will always come for you.

After a long day reconstructing the town I decided to go for a walk to clear my head a bit, walking I caught a familiar scent I stood there frozen it couldn't be could it? Running back to Erza and Gray dragging them out of bed before running back out the door with them yelling form me too slow down. But I can't it was her scent I know it, running back to where I was I sniffed the air again finding her scent. **"Natsu, what are you doing?"** Erza asked with a look of distain **"I want to go back to bed, so, this better be important"**

 **"let's go back flame brain"** this remark was from none other than that ice freak.

 **"shut it popsicle, I have Lucy's scent"** touching a finger to my nose for emphases

Gasping both my team mates nodded and we followed my nose after walking what seem like for ever we came across an old abandoned building decaying. Her scent was really strong here. With our guards up we went in hoping this would be it. Walking the building we came to a basement set up as a jail of sorts magic cancelling cuffs and protection barriers set up in all of the cells. There was blood caked on all the walls and floor of every cell, but what really got me was the smell of Lucy I could smell her like I was right in front of her. but she wasn't there. We went back out with our hearts low but still with the same determination to find her and to find her alive.

With the job now completed we decided to pack up and head home our moral deflated from yet another failed attempt at finding the beautiful blond celestial mage. Oh, luce. Where are you? Please come home.


	10. Chapter 9

Another uneventful week passes fairy tail by, with Natsu paying the rent for the celestial mages apartment. Finishing up what her was doing at the blonde's apartment he just sits on her bed missing the smell of her scent it's now almost been three months and her scent is starting to fade. He doesn't know why but he gets up and walks letting his legs take him where ever. He looks up slightly as he catches a scent not wanting to get excited again he slowly follows the scent leading him to the guild her frown in frustration about to go home when something gold catches his eye.

Under the shade of a tree near the guild doors lays an unconscious girl eyes widening as realisation sets in **"LUCE…"** the dragon slayer runs with all his might stopping just short of trampling the poor thin almost dead looking girl taking a sharp intake of breath when he notices the state of her body he picks her up with tears in his eyes. With fresh blood running down his body from her newly caused or reopened wounds.

With the girl making slight whimpering sounds as he walks and she shallow and unsteady breathing he is glad to see she is at least alive. But there isn't a piece of her body that hasn't been tortured. Well almost that is her face looks un harmed but running from the collar bones down to the bottom of her feet. Oh luce who did this to you.

Thanking his lucky stars that Mira has already opened the guild he burst through the door. **"Mira, where is gramps?"** she looks up from her task as she drops her glass in surprise **"L-Lucy** " she whispers with tears in her eyes. Grabbing the communication lacrama from under the bar she waits for the pale face of the guild master to appear.

 **"Master"** Mira whispered with tears in her eyes **"L-L"**

The master watches with concern in his eyes. **"what is it my child?"**

 **"she's back"** was all Mira could say before her body was racked with sobs as the master shot up from where he sat to head into the guild.

Looking over the girl it was evident she had been tortured and mistreated, what the master couldn't understand was why someone would do this to one of his children and just leave her hear to be found by the guild the next morning deciding for now they would keep the news of her arrival between a select few they set to work. Getting her better and trying to find out who did this to her Porlyusica and Wendy, the master deeming it safe to give his guild the happy news. **"listen up brats"** boomed the voice of the master from the railing of the top floor. **"Lucy has been found"** giving the guild a moment to collect their thoughts he continues **"she is in the infirmary and she is not in good shape. it would appear that whoever took her tortured her then left her for us to find, as she was found by Natsu slumped under a tree next to the guild hall. Now my children THIS MEANS WAR!"** he stated waiting for the guild again he continued **"for the time being only those on team Natsu can see her after she wakes we will let her decided when she is ready for visitors"** and with that he went back into his office as team Natsu went to sit by her bed everything seemed fine almost like the guild could move on and get back too normal that is before a scream ripped through the guild.

OooooOOooooo

I slowly awake my whole body aching. I feel something warm on my hand looking over I see the pink hair of Natsu. Panicking I look around to see Gray and Erza there to all sleeping next to my bed. My scream rips its way from my throat before I could stop it. Ripping my hand from Natsu. I scurry to the back of the of the bed curling into a ball effectively making myself look tiny rocking back and forth chanting outload **"go away, don't hurt me. I'll be good, go away"** over and over again. Natsu tried to touch me, pulling the blankets of the infirmary bed up higher stopping him in his tracks the others tried as well only succeeding in making me cry harder **"go away, go away, go away DON'T TOUCH ME!"** screaming that at the top of my lounges. Natsu spoke softly with his signature grin that once made my heart melt **"don't you remember us luce?"** the strain in his voice evident crying more I continued to scream at them to leave me alone.

Just then a small man entered the room asking the others to leave, when my crying calmed down I sighed in relief to see the master. **"M-MASTER"** I cried he gave me a minute before telling me he needed to know who did this to me. never once expecting my response. **"they did"** crying again I tried my hardest to tell him everything from through my sobs. **"on my mission I fought the creatures only to find that they were just a trap to exhaust my magic, I used the last of my magic before I realised this however and was captured by a hooded man he had a floating paper doll by his side. I awake chained to a wall hanging with my arms above my head. Only to be unable to escape and, and tortured by Erza, Gray and Natsu"** I sobbed into my hands asking me if I'll be ok he then headed out calling team Natsu to his office. I went back to sleep after the old healer woman checked me over.

OooooOOooooo

 **"Natsu, Erza, Gray what I'm about to tell you will be difficult for you to hear."** Sighing he continued **"she was baited with the mission. whoever did this to her baited her with that mission. She used up her magic to get out alive only to find out too late that she wasn't safe, she said a man in a hood with a floating paper doll showed up and took her when she awoke she was hanging from a wall chain by her wrist unable to escape she was tortured. But the thing is my children she believes it was done by the three off you"**

Everyone was staring at the old guild master with wide eyes. Erza being the first to speak **"so that's why she reacted the way she did to us being in her room when she woke up?"** the master just nodded. The next to speak was Gray **"but why would she think it was us who hurt her master?"**

 **"I currently am unaware of that my child but we will find out and fix this."** The master spoke but Natsu just stood there didn't say a thing looking at the door listening to the blond sob hearing things like "why, what did I ever do to them" his heart shattered into a million pieces. Vowing then that he would save her from this nightmare and get his luce back to as normal as possible he spoke for the first time

 **"gramps, where do we start? I'll do whatever it takes to help her"**


	11. Chapter 10

**WARNING THIS CHAPTER HAS DETAILD DESCRIPTION OF SELF HARM. PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE UNCOMFTORBLE. COMMENT IN THE REVIW IF YOU NEED A RUN DOWN OF THE CHAPTER SELF HARM EXCLUDED.**

 **I AM NOT PROMOTING SELF HARM IN ANY WAY.**

The investigation into my kidnapping has been going for a few months now, I'm starting to feel more and more at home with the guild again. Thankfully Natsu Erza and Gray haven't been here since she told the master. He has tried to tell her many times that the three were at the guild or on missions the whole time with logged missions and all. But she knows what she lived through. And if it wasn't them then, then she was under some kind of spell or something.

Even when I told him as much he still thinks there is more to it. I can't blame him for not wanting to believe his family could do this. Heck, I don't want to believe it. But I lived it. I get the feeling that master has a theory but he won't share his concerns with me. he has however been speaking to Laxus a lot lately. I wonder what he has to do with this?

I decide it is time the master fills me in on what he thinks. Walking to his office I arrive finding both Laxus and the master in there, knocking politely I wait for my que **"enter"** I walk in past Laxus who is now on his way out, not giving him time to leave I voice my frustrations. Speaking in a small tone **"master" while watching my feet "I want to know what you think happened to me.** " raising my head as I speak, I catch Laxus stiffen under my words

 **"I'm not sure that's wise my child."** The master tries, as he tests my mood. Of late I have been known to lose my temper in a way that now has walk the guild scared of me. taking a deep breath settling my anger a bit.

 **"Master, I deserve to know if you have a theory"** laying it on thick, its pretty obvious he has on.

 **"I don't think now is the right time Lucy, my dear. I want proof before I say anything my dear."** With this I couldn't keep calm anymore a golden light starts to surround Laxus, master and I, screaming at him **"I want to believe in them again. I need anything that can put doubts in my head about who did this to me."** after my outburst I ran out of the room and through the guild, before I lose control of my magic running straight past a stunned Natsu, Gray and Erza. The whole guild heard me yelling at the master. I run into the forest and let go. Realising everything I was fighting to keep back. After that I went home, heading straight to the bathroom.

Looking at myself in the mirror. the person staring back at me, is not me. she's an empty shell, as I move to the cabinets I search for my hidden razors. Feeling the familiar tug on my soul as I start to feel strange. My body set on auto-pilot, after all what's a few more scars? Her body is her canvas. The razor her tool. And this, this is her master-piece. Having an out of body experience so to say I watch in horror as my body pulls strips herself of the jeans I now wear to cover the scars.

I feel like I'm looking on from someone else's eyes. As my hand brings the razor down to the soft skin of my upper thigh, I try to scream at myself to stop. But it's like trying to talk under water, comes out cloudy. All I can do is watch in horror and my leg feels the familiar sting. The sensations filling my body as all the anxiety, guilt and anger slowly leave my body with every cut I make. I feel relief with every trickle of blood that runs down my thigh. Still screaming at myself all I can do is cry as it happens over and over until I start to come back to my senses dropping the razor on the floor and scurrying from the bath to the wall curled up in a ball. I let the tears fall. Hating myself for what I just did.

It's a vicious cycle. Hurt, cut, hate. It just can't be controlled.

Still with tears in my eyes. I count the number of fresh cuts on my legs. Grabbing a clean wash cloth, I soak it in warm water to wash away the dried blood, sniffing back the tears I get out the healing cream I keep and the bandages and thank Mavis that once healed no one would notice. Getting to work on my freshest lot of self-hate.

After I cleaned up I put on some pyjamas and started to get into bed trying to go to sleep. But the darkness alludes me. laying there staring at the ceiling I was thinking about finding anything I could to start to doubt my captors where my friends. Dropping my head into my hands crying at every memory flashing through my head. ' _I can't do it any more'_ _ **"AHHH!"**_ I scream out in a mixture of frustration and fear. As more images and memories flash by I desperately try to stop these images. Focusing on all the good times with my friends instead.

The fun we had and more. Talking books with levy, random chats with little Wendy, the way Cana never seems to be able to keep her hands to herself and all the drinking challenges I passed up. And much, much more. Tears of joy start to fill my eyes. When his perfect grin and the scent of a bonfire and cinnamon come to me sighing happily I start to lay down again when it hits me. he doesn't smell like that he smells of a warm summers breeze with a slight hint of ash. My eyes wide as it all starts to click.

I shot up from my bed, and wince at the pain shooting up my legs before throwing on my normal attire. A top and skirt I fasten my keys and whip to the belt. Putting my shoes on I starts running

I didn't care it was 2A.M, I didn't care that I was cold. All I cared about was getting to him. So focused on my task I didn't even realise my skirt didn't cover my bandaged thighs. Or the blood now running through them again.

Running with all my might I run to the house of my first friend in this place I call home. The man I once called my best friend. The man I wash to call that again someday. I reach the cobble stone path that leads the way to Natsu's home. Running I start banging on his door. I giggle slightly as I hear him grumble and move to the door I'm still banging on.

I hear the door unlock and swing it open throwing myself at him as I sob into his night clothes.


	12. Chapter 11

Natsu P.O.V.

 **"GAH! Its . who on earth land is beating down my door at this time"** I grumble to myself as I slowly make my way to the door. Fumbling with the locks a bit I finally get them unlocked just as my door swung open and I was hit with another body. I looked down in shock on who was now sobbing into my clothing. **"luce?"** she looked at me with big brown eyes and that beautiful smile **"you know I always loved the way you smell"** she mumbled to me I look down again shocked with what was happening. Is this the same Lucy, is this my luce?

Smelling her sweet scent, I take in a bit whiff wanting to save the way she smells into the back of my mind in case this is a dream. And that's when I noticed it. The smell of her blood. Grabbing her shoulders, I pushed her off me throwing her over my shoulder closing and locking her door behind me. walking to my couch I gently set her down scanning her over for the blood that's when I was both her thighs were bandaged. Giving her a questioning look she just shrugs her shoulders and claimed to have done it in the forest after she yelled at the mater.

Taking off the bandages to re clean and dress her wounds which by the way was a mission and a half just to get her to agree. I found deep almost perfectly straight cuts in varying positions across her thighs honestly they would have blended in with the rest If I didn't know they were there, I'm not as dense as everyone likes to think I know what she did and I didn't even have to see her do it to know. These are not what she claims but for now I just leave it.

 **"not that it isn't nice to see you luce, but what ya doin here so late and why are you crying?"** I ask her a little concerned. she hasn't been able to be in the same room as me for months than this, What the hell happened?

 **"well"** sniff **"I couldn't stop the memories that kept coming back so I started to think of all my friends here you know Levy, Wendy, Cana and the endless fun we have as family. When I was thinking about you and the way things where I realised something wasn't right"** now clutching my shirt, her face berried in my shoulder as she cried I had to encourage her to continue **"the way you smelt wh- where I-I was"** now I had to really listen, it was getting hard to hear her between the muffled sound of her voice in my shirt and the sobs " **was like bon fires and cinnamon b- but, that's not what you smell like. At all."** Confused by all of this new information bouncing around in my head. I decided it would be best to let her speak and not question her. through the night we spoke of many things but when she told me how scared she was and how much my copy scared her my heart broke, my mind travels to the night I found her, and a tear manages to escape my eye. A soft gentle hand wipes away the tear. **"Natsu, why are you crying?"** she asked me, those big brown eyes full of concern.

Looking at her I sigh **"I was the one who found ya luce. I was so scared while you were missing I heard you and Lisanna arguing the day you left for your mission. I was coming to your house I hadn't seen you in ages every time Lisanna would go to ask if you wanted to come with us on jobs, she came back saying you had this excuse or that."**

 **"what are you talking about? She never asked me to join you, just always came threatening me. the guild had been ignoring me for ages when she told me to leave the guild I was so scared no one would even know I was gone"** my eyes widened at her statement.

 **"luce the guild wasn't ignoring you, you shut yourself off. Always pushing people away and hiding in your corner, it was hard to watch you like that but the team thought you were avoiding us and that we had done something wrong. I followed you to the station that day you know. I only just missed the train."** Looking out the window as I spoke

She looked up at me the surprise evident on her eyes **"why did you do that?**

I look at her a slight panic happening what do I tell her, waging my internal war on whether to tell her or not I finally decided this may be the only time I have to do just that. With a huff I let out the breath I was apparently holding and spoke **"because I love you luce, always have"**

Her eyes go wide and I can see her struggle in her eyes. I shouldn't have said anything crap, now I'm just going to lose her again. I'm so caught up in my own internal battle waging war on my emotions. I didn't notice her change in mood next thing I know, she had moved which resulted in me wide-eyed for what have been the hundredth time that night, with her on my lap her small hand in my hair as her other hand rested on my chest her lips were on mine, Stunned for a second I quickly regained my composure what lead to me kissing her back a smile forming on her lips.

Slowly a well-placed hand had me gasp and she claimed my mouth. Returning the favour, I wrap my arms around her. one hand in her hair the other, around her waist pulling her in closer to me breaking the kiss so we could breath. I look at her still no idea where that came from.

 **"say it again"** I look at her confused, she pushes herself against me more, I didn't even know that was possible leaned into my ear and whispered. **_"tell me you love me again"_** I raise my eyebrow at her but oblige to her request. **_"I love you, Lucy Heartfilia."_** I whisper back. I know what she's playing at and two can play that game.

I got her a pillow and blanket and she got the sofa ready to sleep on, while I climbed back into my hammock. **"hey Natsu"** Lucy whispered **"mmhhhh"** I hummed in reply.

 **"I love you, Natsu Dragneel"** and with that confession I fell out of the hammock, straight onto the floor with a thud. I looked up at the now laughing blond grabbed her hand and pulled her off we lay on the floor her on top of me laughing until our faces hurt. Getting onto the sofa with luce we went to sleep.

The next morning, we walked into the guild together shocking the guild, we walked to the master's office when I heard Mira drop a glass. I snickered to myself, luce and I were walking through the guild hand in hand and she was the only one who noticed. This will be great fun. Looking at luce with a smile, she nods at me and we round the corner I could hear all the whispers not a single one was about the hand holding. That is until levy and Juvia went to her and asked her what happened, **"they…. Hands…. Holding…."** squeaked the takeover mage.

Chuckling I knocked on the master's door. Waiting for him to answer, we were booth eager for this to be over. We all were.


	13. Chapter 12

**KNOCK, KNOCK.**

Natsu knocked on the master office door. We patently waited for him to answer. Well I did, Natsu was practically bouncing off the walls. Watching Natsu bounce around like a small child made me giggle, I was so distracted by him and his antics I failed to notice the master had opened his office door and was standing there, his jaw on the floor. Clearing his throat that caught our attention.

 **"it's nice to see you to are on good terms again"** the master beamed at us,

 **"it's more than just good terms gramps."** Natsu smiled with his response.

Ushering us into his office the master climbed onto his desk chair while we patiently waited for him.  
 **"what brings you into my office my children?"** the master asked us.

Natsu then started to tell the master the events from the night before. **"well gramps, luce showed up at my door last nig-"** Natsu was cut off by me, I just wanted to get this over with.

 **"master, I remembered something. I don't know how helpful this could be but. Last night I had nightmares and memories I couldn't escape. That when I realised when I was gone the '** ** _Natsu'_** **who had me smelt wrong."**

 **"what do you mean child?"** the master asked

 **"well, the '** ** _Natsu'_** **who had held me smelt of bonfires and cinnamon, and Natsu doesn't smell like that at all, not even close"** I looked up to see the master looking confused.

 ** _"he smells more of a summers breeze with a light ashy smell"_** I whispered, knowing all too well that the dragon slayer next to me heard anyway. The look on the master's face told me he heard to.

Natsu was grinning from ear to ear. The master letting us leave called for Laxus. Smiling at him softly as we walked past I nodded an acknowledgment to the lightning dragon slayer who nodded back.

 **"so what you wanna do luce?"** Natsu asked as we looked around the guild where we found every air of eyes in the guild on us. Walking to Mira who almost fainted again at the sight of us I nodded a hello before asking **"Mira could you get the rest of the team in here please?" "sure Lucy"** Mira replied to me with the faintest of nose bleeds.

Walking to the back corner of the guild we sat away from everyone. Still not ready to deal with all the question from what happened to me, all the way to what's going on with Natsu and I. we both sat there, I only wanted to see 2 people before I went home.

Looking up from the table as I hear the guild door broken of the hinges I see the red headed re-quip mage and an almost naked ice mage run through the guild before throwing themselves at me. I stiffened under their touch. Before I heard Natsu growl. **"easy guys, she's still not completely comfortable being touched"** Natsu then grabbed my hand moving me around the table so I was next to him.

 **"guys I just wanted to apologize I never should have thought you could do this to me"** I state my apology while gesturing to my scar covered body.

 **"oh Lucy, its ok we understand you went through so much and you were mad to believe it was us who hurt you"** Erza said eyes brimming with unshed tears.

 **"yeah Lucy, its ok. The master had told us what you yelled at him for yesterday. We knew you were trying to find anything that could prove us innocent"** Gray added smiling at me.

Now crying I lunged across the table dragging Natsu by his collar so I could hug them all. Tears freely falling from my eyes.

 **"alright brats, with some newly shed information we have come to believe that the person who kidnapped Lucy was Ivan, my son and Laxus's father"** the master boomed both Laxus and Gajeel by his side nodding in agreement.

" **Ivan specializes in illusion magic, and we believe right now it was revenge against the guild."** The master continued

 **"master"** a small voice called everyone whirled around to see Mira had spoken **"are we sure this wasn't Lisanna's doing?"**

I looked at Mira in disbelief, **"why would she think her own sister was behind this?** I asked Natsu. Who just looked at me with a pained expression **"I told the master of the fight you had with Lis the day you left, he then told Mira. Mira left the guild the nest day telling the master you and I had been mistreating her"**

 **"WHAT!"** I yelled out the whole guild looking at me in surprise. I felt my anger surging and sprinted from my seat out of the guild doors. Trying to get clear of the guild.

Why did she just run out of the guild? I went to run after her Gray and Erza going to follow when Juvia stopped us **"Gray, Juvia thinks you should leave love rival"** we all just looked at her in disbelief I went to say not a chance when she cut me off holding her hand in front of my face **"Juvia has followed love rival before. She has little control of her magic, she runs away to keep us safe."** With that I ran out of the guild if she is struggling to control her magic I need to be there for her.

I can smell Gray Erza and Juvia behind me following her scent I run into a clearing in the forest. I couldn't believe my eyes, what I saw there was amazing.

Lucy was balling her fists into her clothing, jaw clenched tight I looked around to see Capricorn standing in front of her **"I know this hurts miss Lucy, but hold it for as long as you can. Channel it picks something and focus on that."** I heard Capricorn tell her. what were they doing my luce was in pain and her was making her hold it. What the hell.

Luce let out a small hiss " **I can't hold it much longer Capricorn go back"**

Capricorn disappeared into his gate, just before a blinding light erupted from luce's body. A scream ripping up her throat. Not thinking I ran to her holding her. this light was blinding, it hurt like hell and she was trying her best to make it stop screaming at me to get out of the way.

 **"there is no way I'm leaving you luce, we are a team, partners. You never have to do this alone again"** I screamed

Looking at her, her eyes where gold, her hair had grown it was all the way down her back now her body was glowing. And all I could do was stand there and hold her until she passed out in my arms.

Running back to the guild Erza went and got the master, telling him what happened his eyes when wide.

 **"she did what!"** was all he said.

It's now been a few weeks since the incident in the forest with luce, gramps has decided that luce needs training to get control of her magic. She has gotten so magically strong that when she loses control of her emotions he magics over the top powerful. I'm now starting to understand why the guild was so freighted of her. she can hold her own against Erza. I have watch my girlfriend battle Erza multiple times now and not once has either girl lost the fight.

It's amazing and highly intimidating. But I'm so proud of her progress. Now all I have to work on is the constant smell of blood coming from her.

After leaving the field where we have been training luce I went home for a bit she said she wanted some time alone to relax. Now it's dark and I'm getting hungry, I know I'll go see luce. I can eat there. I hurry to the house of my blond girlfriend, when I get to her house I immediately smell fresh blood. SHIT, jumping up to the window and letting myself in I find the bathroom door locked.

Taking a deep breath. The smell of blood is so thick it's almost nauseating. I take a step back and plant my foot flat on the boor breaking the door down. Running into the bathroom. I find her razor in had so many new marks on her whole body. She stands in front of me in nothing but her underwear.

Across her stomach thighs arms and more she is covered in scars, and now she has been adding new ones to herself. While I'm standing in front of her she tries to run the blade across her thighs again like I'm not even here **"LUCE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"** I yell, grabbing her hand stopping her from making the contact required.

Looking into her eyes. she holds no signs of any emotion at all. It like she's not even there. **"luce…. Luce…. Lucy!"** I scream trying to get her attention. **"luce snap out of it"** shaking her I'm still getting nothing. I take the razor from her clean and wrap her injuries before taking her to bed, I lay down with her holding her tightly. Quietly crying there is nothing I can do for her right now.

 **"Natsu, why are you crying?"** looking up I find her looking at me eyes back too normal those beautiful eyes. **"luce your back!"** I sob out while holding her **"please don't ever scare me like that again. I can in here to find you acting all crazy, what happened?"** luce just looked at me with sad eyes. **"I'm so sorry Natsu, It's like I'm not there when I'm doing it, it honestly feels like I'm watching from someone else's eyes, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. All sound outside sounds muffled, and my voice is like I'm trying to talk under water."** She shattered rambling while we both sat there crying into each other.

 **"please luce, talk to me. don't do this, promise me you won't do this anymore. I'll always come running when you need me you know that right? I love you luce. Please stop"** I cried out

 **"I promise Natsu, I love you"**

We got up making myself and luce something to eat, just as I out the last lot of food on her plate she came out of the shower. **"mhh Natsu that smells amazing"** luce chimes making my ego swell. We idly chat while having dinner before cleaning up the dishes.

After I cleaning the kitchen with luce I decided to take a shower, I let the burning water run over me while I let out the last of the emotions form earlier, what do I do. How do I keep her from always hurting herself? Shutting of the water I dry off and put on my sweat pants. Getting into bed next to my busty woman, I lie there staring at the ceiling, the slight snores and the sound of her even breathing coming from beside me. I couldn't help but think of the events from the last few weeks.

With her magic and the cutting what can I do to help? Am I just completely useless right now? Can I even help

How can I saver her from herself.


	14. Chapter 13

_'I'm so useless, I can't even manage my own magic without them having to come to my rescue'_. I see my features in the body length mirror. Looking down at my body all the scars, the evidence of just how useless I am. _'I can't even save myself. Such a pathetic sight'_. As my eyes scan over the length of my body all I can muster is self-doubt and a loathing of myself.

Walking into my bathroom I run a hot bath, hot enough to burn my skin. I take out a small box. This box looks like a ring box, but it holds the tools to my relief. Standing in front of the mirror I begin to remove my cloths. Hating every scar, I see every little reminder that I'm too week to even look after my own mind.

 _'I don't deserve to be happy. I allowed someone to make me believe my own nakama would hurt me'. 'stupid'_ I think to myself as I run the cold metal of the silver razor along the flesh on my thighs again. I watch as the crimson liquid runs down my leg leaving small runs along the length of my leg before it polls on the floor at my feet. _'all you ever do is disappoint everyone'_ again the cool metal digs into my flesh, more blood trails down my leg.

 _'you're so pathetic'_ the more thoughts go through my head the bigger the puddle gets. I can feel the surge of relief run through my body with every slice of my skin, with every drop of blood working its way down my legs. _'it'd be better for everyone if you just died'_ I run the blade of the razor up the length of my thigh it feels so… wait where is the sting, where is my sense of relief. Is my body shaking?

 ** _"mhjskd"_** wait what was that? My body goes numb, as I try to cut again, there is something blocking my path. _'AHHHHH, WHAT IS HAPPENING. I NEED MY RELEIF!'_ I shout to myself slowly the world ticks along outside of my little self-made prison. The world is cold. I'm all alone.

I start to come back to myself knowing there is no way to undo what I just did. I'm starting to learn to live with the fact I can't stop. What is this under me? how did I get onto my bed? I looking around slowly I blink my large brown eyes. Natsu? Wait is he crying. When did he get here?

 **"Natsu why are you crying?"** he looks at me his onyx eyes searching my own for something

 **"luce your back!"** what back? I haven't gone anywhere. I've been here the whole time what is he on about.

 **"please don't ever scare me like that again. I came in here to find you acting all crazy, what happened?"** I look down and notice I'm in a towel I move my leg sightly and notice the familiar sting. I look at him with sad eyes as our gazes meet again. **"I'm so sorry Natsu"** what do I even say to this. I can't father what he must be feeling right now. I start randomly rambling about how I feel like I'm not even in my own body when it happens. Crying out as Natsu has me in a strong embrace.

 **"please luce, talk to me. don't do this, promise me you won't do this anymore. I'll always come running when you need me you know that right? I love you luce. Please stop"** I can't promise that, what do I do? Before I can't even finish assessing my situation,

 **"I promise Natsu, I love you"** **escapes from my lips**

I feel so guilty with the promise I just made my partner I go in search of my razor again. Only to decided even if I can't keep my promise I need to have at least tried my best to do it. Collecting all my razors I walk into the kitchen and through them all away.

Even if I do break my promise Natsu, know this I will have tried my very best to keep it.


	15. authers note

sorry guys,

i am having some major writers block.

i promise i am still writing this story and i will get back to it as soon as i get some insperation.

sorry again

stars of night.. :)


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